Surrender.

Reflection on the past 8 months.

As we are welcoming September and embracing the few months we have left for 2016, I thought I'd do a self-check before the year ends. This has got to be the most adventurous experience for me. So many new experience and unforgettable lessons.

Started off the year as a working Interior Designer, left my job, got into a relationship, moved to Singapore and now continuing my studies to do what I love most. That's just the surface and summary for what these 8 months have been. It's crazy how so many things have change in such short time, especially when it comes so suddenly. But when God opens the door, He really will open that door haha.

I find this few months so special to me, especially when I reflect and look back to 2015. I wouldn't touch on too much of depth here, but all I would say is that I never could have imagine where I am now.

I wrote 'surrender' on that picture because for the past few weeks, after battling my own 'separation-anxiety' from home, it has repeatedly been on my heart. It's so easy to say, so easy to hear God but listening is another challenge. It was a personal struggle for me, leaving home where I've been so comfortable and familiar with for the past 21 years. The first few days after my parents and Howie left Singapore, that was when I started to realize that I was all on my own. All alone in this new, foreign city; so close to home, yet so different. I felt so alone, I didn't know anyone, class hasn't started yet and everyone I loved was at least 300km away from me. All I kept thinking was how strong my friends that are all the way in UK, US, Australia etc. are, to be so much further from home and some not being able to come home.

I cried every night, I just felt so foreign to this place. Church doesn't feel like home and for an extrovert like me, my weekends were such a bore. Everyone keeps telling me that things will get easier/better, which I know it will be. Well, things did get better and a little easier when orientation started. Actually, I only started feeling better after class starts (which took a while too cause a lot of them were from BA1 and I didn't have any friends) and after I met some people in church.

Time really does help ease things :) When God told me to 'surrender', I realized how tightly I was holding my comfort and home. I realized that I sulked into this pattern of 'loneliness'. But when that broke, I started seeing hope again. I saw how much opportunity and beauty this nation has to offer, how much God loves his people here. I know that this is where I need to be right now, not for the nation or the church, but for myself. It took me a while to really let go and turn my view on things around. It's hard to hold onto God's promises sometimes. But, that's when faith comes into action. I know that He will always be there to look out for me, At the end of the day, I draw my strength and joy from Him alone and not where I am; and in this context, 'home'.

Of course I still miss home. But I have the privilege to fly home almost every month, though it's just a few days. It's still so rewarding and refreshing. Being away from home is hard, but this has taught me to love and appreciate it even more. Stepping into a new phase in life is scary, but this has taught me faith and trust. Learning to be independent is tough, especially when you're sick (and in my case, I've fallen sick twice since I'm here), but it'll just make you stronger.

Excited for the few months left in 2016 and especially excited for CHRISTMAS! 

I'm done rumbling.